A Bittersweet Father’s Day

I am coming up on my third Father’s Day without my Dad and it doesn’t make the holiday get any easier. I don’t have any particular Father’s Day memory in mind because my father was pretty awesome every day. I would however spend a lot of time browsing Father’s Day cards until I found the perfect one. It had to be funny and not sappy in any way, however I did find myself sending my dad two cards per year for some reason during his last few years alive. Maybe I knew in my gut he would not be around much longer, so I would send him one semi-sappy card and another funny one. I loved picking out just the right Father’s Day card for my Dad.

In fact, the last time I went Father’s Day card hunting (the best ones were at Target) for my husband and Dad I remember picking up a second one thinking I would never find another one as hysterical and that I could keep it for the following year. When I came across it a few months after my father had passed, I tearfully gave it to my husband to dispose. I could not look at it. It literally broke my heart.

My dad and I were very close. I was his only daughter and needless to say I was a Daddy’s little girl in every way. I also looked just like him as a child so that helped create our bond. My mom told me he really wanted little to do with me until I was potty trained but I clearly don’t remember those days. I only remember enjoying every minute with my dad. He was not only fun to be around but gave great advice. I would turn to him when I had a work or financial problem.

Now I focus on making Father’s Day special for my husband because I get to see it through my two son’s eyes and that is very touching. However, a little piece of me is silently crying inside because I miss my own Daddy. I still find myself automatically reaching for Father’s Day cards for him and then I have to remind myself he is gone. Yet, I will post a tribute to him on Facebook this Sunday as I have since every Father’s Day since he died. Wherever he is (probably laughing with his buddies, eating a big steak and drinking a vodka on the rocks) I want him to know his little girl still loves and misses her Daddy.